It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize