How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
