you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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