Im at strip club and am horny
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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