i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This baby is an asshole
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize