forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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