He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize