I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
