Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
