Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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