Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Fuck appropriateness.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
