I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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