Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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