a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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