i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
