im about as happy as oj after his trial
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
