you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
