i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
