Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
