it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
