But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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