is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You are a genius and a whore.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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