Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
