you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
