a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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