you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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