Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize