Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
