I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
