I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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