I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can you bring me the toilet please
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
