like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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