i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
