I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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