apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Randomize
