I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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