why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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