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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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