I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
