I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
