im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
