did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
