drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
