I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
