you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
