Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
