First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
