What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
