Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
