Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize