billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The dick lei will go down in squad history
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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