Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Apparently you make a good broom.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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