You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
