dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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