life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she told me i tasted like america
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
