I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
