dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you mean i was at the winter classic?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
