Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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