I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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