i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
