I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
