When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
