Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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