Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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