I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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