I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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