SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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