you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
