Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
