Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Randomize